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Monday, 23 November 2009

  • Currently
    Master and Everyone
    By Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
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    is this an island?

    there is a strange balance that must be maintained between appreciation and want.  i do not know how to love god and love living, together.  they are in direct opposition.  i realize how limited my ideas must be, that this is such a problem, but i don't know how to bring them together.  granted, i don't think that the divide is presently as defined as it has been in the past -- i am learning to see things happen with purpose -- but i feel like this imagined dichotomy (i think it's imagined) is getting in the way of fuller life and fuller love of god.

    i am excited about seeing a boy tomorrow, and i and am excited about theory on tuesday, and i am excited about going home on wednesday, and my birthday on thursday and my brothers and nigella and tyler and my parents and cooking and my church and shopping and books and museums that will happen in the very near future.  i don't know how to be excited about these things and be excited about god.  am i the only one that has such limited energy? 

    also:

    this is relatively bad timing.  the semester is ending in less than a month and then i will be at home for three weeks.  maybe it's not worth pursuing any way; maybe i'm looking too far into it.  it would be nice, though.

    k

Sunday, 15 November 2009

  • Currently
    Hard to Love a Man
    By Magnolia Electric Co.
    hard to love a man
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    all the live long day.

    so art has to be these two things together -- care for aesthetic and care for concept.  art is the sum of two opposites. 

    does spirituality work the same way?  is spirituality the sum of faith and action, of theology and conviction?  we have two opposites here (though some may disagree), those being action and understanding.  if i can trick myself into immersing myself in each of these together will i have gained a healthy spirituality?  lewis talks about how theology is a device to help us understand the "real thing," and should not be confused with that which it represents.  at the same time we cannot act blindly; works only have value insofar as they are done out of love.  so the question is this, are these two opposites the only requirements for being close to god, or is there a third, more divine ingredient that is spirituality?  is the holy spirit the aggregate of our choices, or is it an independent entity, acting upon us with its own will?  

    i am pretty sure that i am satisfied that the holy spirit is something independent of our lives in every way, but it gets complicated when such emphasis is placed on the other two.  is the holy spirit god himself, or that which leads us to god? 

    i don't know.  i know i'm not really completing any thought, but i feel like i need to leave this alone for a while.  i don't know what spirituality is. 

    k

Thursday, 12 November 2009

  • Currently
    Gulag Orkestar
    By Beirut
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    against our will.

    what the hell is "caring about your question," anyway?  i want my allegiance to be to the potential answer, not to the questions themselves. 

    i suppose that the value of a question always depends on its difficulty and its relevance to the answer, despite the sincerity with which it is delivered.  the problem is that an understanding of the answer is conditional upon the sincerity of the person considering the question.  you will only understand the answer insofar as you want to understand it, and that desire is made manifest in the care for the question.  care for the question is made manifest in its delivery

    i do not want to invest in craft.  (why am i at tyler?!) 

    but wait!  how am i not invested in the questions?   maybe i am not invested in the things that i say out loud -- claims about value.  i need to hear them out loud to have something to work off of, but my breath is usually the only thing that i invest.  they serve as questions.  is that what i'm supposed to be investing in?   art should exist as a claim that forces us to question it.  if the claim and the question are the same thing, that means that i have to care about what i do.  i do not want to care about what i do.

    k

Sunday, 08 November 2009

Tuesday, 03 November 2009

guitarchic1126

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    • Name: kierstin
    • Birthday: 11/26/1989
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 7/7/2004

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  • i am dying. i am dying right now. cant you see? love is a concept that i have trouble with.

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